Noodle Princess

Yeah, I know, "sayonara" is Japanese and Beijing is in China.  I get it.  But I don't know how to write out "Buh-Bye" in Mandarin (like I know how to write it in Chinese, heh...).  But yeah, I was ready for these Games to be over.  O.V.E.R.  Over. I was over this Olympics like, last Thursday when the Equestrian events ended and there was only things like basketball, soccer, softball, baseball, and more mainstream stuff like that on TV.  By the end of last night's Closing Ceremonies, I was yelling at my TV, "Make it stop already!  Please, Make.It.Stop!"  I definitely overdosed on these Summer Games.  But it was fun nonetheless.  I gotta say, as amazing as I thought the Opening Ceremonies were, the Closing Ceremonies felt like way too long Cirque d'Soleil performance!   But hey, the pyrotechnics were out of this world, weren't they?  They should be since the Chinese invented gun powder and fire works.  And since I'm guessing that they have relatively little to no laws about illegal fireworks displays, they have way better stuff than we do.

What I did enjoy last night was the London 2012 performance, and here's why.  No, it wasn't extraordinary.  It didn't attempt to outdo the Chinese.  But I cracked up when Jimmy Freaking Page came up out of a bus, and did a duet with some British Pop Star that Simon Cowell created, and just tore up the stadium with a pretty good version of Whole Lotta Love.  That? Cracked me right up. Can you imagine all those Chinese thinking "what the hell is this?  Is this the music of the west?"  Then they start their awful Chinese pop segment, which nearly made me hurl.  But leave it to the UK to pull some Zeppelin out at an Olympics Closing Ceremony.  And not just any Zeppelin, but vintage, tasty Zeppelin! That? Was most excellent.  It almost made up for that lame ass Double Decker Bus thing. 

So thanks Beijing, for the memories, good, bad and ugly!  I'll miss the athletes, the stories, the daily 24/7 obsessed coverage.  But most of all, I'll miss Bob Costas.  He's the most informed, educated sports reporter ever in the history of like, TV.  If you looked up "swell", his picture should be next to that word.  Seriously, the guy can adlib and pull obscure sports trivia out of his ass like he's pulling a Life Saver out of his pocket.  It's unreal.  I just like him a lot. 

Chris Collingsworth was moderately amusing too. Man, how do I get that guy's job?  "Hey, listen, your job is to go to any and all Olympic events that you want to, and we'll give you a crew too.  Just bring back interesting tidbits and have fun! Oh, and we'll pay you for it!"  Niiice.  At least Chris seems to know that his job is ridiculous and he's a lucky bastard.

Guys, see you in Vancouver in 2010!  Until then, get some rest, eh?

Well, I have to be honest, I was sort of hoping in a "I hate the Chinese for their Tibet/Darfur abuses" sort of way, that Beijing would be a bust, but it was anything but.  This 2008 Summer Games was one of the most memorable Games in my lifetime.  There was the good, the bad, and the ugly.  In that order:

THE GOOD:

Michael Phelps living up to all the hype, winning 8 gold medals and swimming the races of his life.  That was amazing!

Nastia Liukin winning gold in the individual finals.

Shawn Johnson finally winning her much-anticipated gold medal on balance beam.  She was rock solid and exemplified all that an Olympian athlete should be.

Benjamin Boukpeti, the dude from Togo winning a bronze medal in canoeing, of all things!  That was an amazing race and he was an amazing person.  I love those athletes who come from countries with no real legacy in that sport, and then they medal.  Incredible!

The US Men's Indoor Volleyball Team, for pulling a gold medal out of their asses after their coach's father was murdered in Beijing on one of the first nights of the Beijing Games.  I dont know how they, or their coach, managed to stay on track but they did, and it was a bittersweet win for sure.

THE BAD:

The US Men's Indoor Volleyball Team coach's father being murdered on the opening nights of the Games and little to no mention other than the first night or so.  Someone should have been on this story.

Misty May-Treanor continuing to toss bits and pieces of her dead mother into the sand at the Olympic Beach Volleyball venue.  You couldn't like, just throw her somewhere at home?  You gotta tote little pill vials of your dead mother's ashes all over the world and toss them into sand with no regard to the other athletes who have to play there.  Do you think they want to dive into a save, get a mouthful of sand, or sand all up in their butt cracks, and wonder if it's your mother?  That was really selfish and weird.  Honey, get over it already and move on.

The US Track Team frakking up not one, but TWO relays due to bad form and what appeared to be a gross lack of commitment.  The new head of the US Track Federation said he was going to look into what went wrong and how to fix it.  Hey, buddy, I can tell you what went wrong with the US Track Team...There's no "team" there.  Just a lot of highly touted individuals whose behavior seems to indicate that they're each there to further their own agenda, which is probably getting the big bucks endorsements.  For themselves. No team there.  That's your problem dude.  Get your athletes to train together and stop blowing smoke up their asses, because a bunch of guys and gals from a tiny, impoverished island in the Caribbean kicked your candyasses up and down the Bird's Nest Stadium, didn't they?

Mary Carillo's insipid "cultural" stories every night.  Man, what happened to Mary?  I always thought she was a funny but professional chick.  She seemed like she just bent over and took if from NBC on this one. 

THE UGLY:

Usain Bolt pimping himself to the max every time he won a race.  I know, he's fasssst! I get it. But he's also very unsportsmanlike.  I heard after all his pimpage, he gave some money to the Red Cross for Chinese Earthquake victims and even went to visit them.  Like they give a shit.  I can see it now, he's blathering on to some villagers about how they should keep on keep'in on and all "inspirational BS, and they're thinking, "Fuck you, Olympic athlete! Your Olympics have taken all our drinking water, our coal for cooking, our jobs and we had to relocate our homes because it wasn't suitable for the Olympics image and you want to tell us how to live?!?" Yeah, when I heard that I thought "well, Usain's handlers must have told him he's too pimpy and if he wants those big bucks endorsements he'd better do something 'sensitive' STAT.  Just seemed a  bit disingenuous.

The Chinese Women's Gymnastic Team, for making children lie about their age to an entire world.  I am a woman and I can say without hesitation, that at least 3 of those girls were lucky if they were even double digits in age.  

The Chinese Government for forcing the Tibetans to host the Olympic Flame Relay up Mt. Everest (for obvious reasons); and for providing arms to the Sudanese Government all the while pretending they're really into this nifty Olympic motto: One World, One Whatever.  *shakes head*

Just in case you were wondering what it's like to be an Olympic athlete in the spotlight...I present you with the Beijing Water Cube photogs brigade (I loved that venue, BTW, my fav Olympic venue ever with that tripped out night lighting going on).  Oy.  Can you even imagine having to have the race of your life knowing this is aimed at your mug?

So, I heard the first "meal" Michael Phelps wanted after his Olympic events were completed was....Yup!  MickyD's.  Actually, he's at some event sponsored at the Olympic Village MickyD's regarding youth and sports.  But I thought the shot of this 8 gold medal Olympian shoving McDonald's french fries in his piehole was amusing.  The body is a temple, right?  Uh huh! Oh, and I hope that Michael is being sponsored by Rolex and he didn't buy that blingy bling himself!

Are you freak'in kidding me?!?  Anyone that has to set their make-up gun to "clown", and then wear these ridonkulous outfits cannot really be competing for an Olympic medal, can they?   Are you IOC people serious with this crap?  What's next?  Olympic Gold Medal POGO JUMPING?!?  I'm tired of these stupid hobbies like synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics being passed off as actual Olympic level "sports".  It's crazy talk I tell ya.  Crazy.Talk.

IOC, read my lips: THIS IS NOT A FREAKING SPORT!  Get rid of it.  Like, now!  Merci, Thank you, Xe Xe